For a new beginning to happen there must be an ending. So, as I look at this New Year and the New Me that has emerged I feel the need to go back to the beginning of me for you to truly understand my journey, and with doing that I hope you find comfort in ‘my pain’ because you see some of your life in mine. Because from pain and chaos comes the greatest change. Some of us just go through more pain than others.
2017 ended the journey to me … 2018 is the beginning of the authentic me!
58 years .. it took me 58 years to finally come to terms with EVERYthing!! Some might say good grief or seriously Rae, WTH!!?? But every bad decision, wrong turn, failed relationship, another career change, financial ruin, life falling apart; etc, has lead me to ME. And for that I am forever grateful. I am grateful for ALL those that have been there throughout the good the bad and the ugly, whether you remained solid with me or dropped off along the way. Thank YOU!
We all have a back story. A friend of mine says, those are just the facts or your life, if you aren’t happy with it then re-write your story. Here’s my story .. I come from humble beginnings and at a very early age I knew I was different from my family. I, honestly, thought I must’ve been switched at birth and would dream of the day my ‘real’ family would come for me. I remember when I finally told my mom this; her reply was ‘so did I at times’. Please don’t get me wrong here as there is absolutely nothing wrong with my family, I just wanted more .. I wanted to experience the world .. I wanted acclaim .. I wanted status .. I wanted to be KNOWN!
By my mid-30s I felt I had reached my ‘goal’. I had arrived!! Great career, dotting husband, 2 handsome intelligent boys, beautifully decorated home, cleaning service, exotic vacations, designer clothes, monthly massages manicure/pedicures, perfectly coiffed. I had arrived! Yet I found myself still searching. Why? Why wasn’t I happy?
Because I wasn’t living my life’s purpose and worse still I had NO idea how to change my path.
Then my world crumbled around me. Due to a devastating divorce (financially, emotionally and spiritually) along with trying to raise my 2 young boys by myself, I came to realize I had ‘lost’ myself. I now know I was always lost but was able to emote a sense of self-assuredness and control, externally. I fooled everybody, myself included because internally, I was a mess! I continued to have this sense of foreboding that I was just drifting in this thing called life. Despite the fact I was SURE I had direction and a path to follow I would get bored and anxious with my life. I kept switching from career to career .. unsatisfied with serious doubts as to whether I had ever made the right decision or done the right thing. Then I reached rock bottom. But the beauty of being at the bottom is the only direction you can go is UP.
Through the help, guidance and assistance of Lotus Wellness Center and Empowered Women International and a myriad of great friends supporting me as I struggled I started rebuilding my spirit and soul and that’s when I discovered my purpose and passion, to give back and assist others in finding their true authentic self. I truly believe I have a voice and a message that will help, guide, inspire and motivate other women (and men too!) to stay true to themselves while navigating the roadblocks life throws at us. And trust me these roadblocks and self-discovery can be extremely painful. I will tell here that there was many many times I wanted to give up, quit trying, and just wallow in my self-deprecating thoughts. Better the devil you know than the one you don’t, right??
I’ve heard that we, on this planet, are the only ones that deal with time. We live for the next day, year. 24 hours makes a day, 30 days a month, and so on .. we monitor our lives based on this concept. By the time you graduate High School, actually while you are a Junior, you should have already figured out what you want to do with the rest of your 50+ years. At 15 or 16 we should have a PLAN!! Really??!! And by 30 .. you should have your life figured out, living the dream or consider yourself a failure!!
Here’s my re-write: I am learning to let the concept of time go and stop questioning the Divine Universe’s timeline for me. Letting go and acceptance is a journey, a journey that continues each and every day. I have always believed in the holistic approach but it wasn’t until I began the journey of self-discovery to find myself, by first eliminating the negative energy around me and then by surrounding myself with women whose sole interest was to encourage, uplift, educate and empower did I realize who I really was.
One of my favorite quotes is by Lily Tomlin: “I always wanted to be someone, I just didn’t know who”. I felt that statement in the depths of my soul!! Now when I think of that quote it brings me such joy—why you ask, because I have finally figured out who .. ME!I encourage each of you to join me on the road to self-discovery, to begin your re-write and to learn and embrace what you were meant to achieve and learn in this lifetime. We all start with that 1st step; the key is to keep walking! The road can be quite treacherous but the rewards are more than worth it!
The journey continues …
I look forward to being a part of your journey.
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