Have you ever been in a situation that you felt like you lost yourself, and don’t know how to make your way back? You know that person is just hanging around waiting for you to invite them back in..but how do you do it?
I recently had this conversation with myself. As I transition to a completely new phase, right now is *the* time I need that higher self to come in and tell me to get my shit together. When we love someone, but have to let them go, we discover a lot about ourselves. Or perhaps these were things we already knew, but weren’t ready to admit. This is a time for learning and rediscovering yourself-to realize that perhaps some choices you made weren’t serving your best and highest good. Now is the time to make yourself a priority, and be ok with it. Not only just ok, but damn excited to welcome you back into your life again.
Loving someone isn’t giving up pieces of you to try to make that person happy, only to discover you’re rushing to find other pieces to fill in the void that is left. Loving someone isn’t the feeling of being able to predict the next explosion like clockwork. Loving someone isn’t finding happy moments fewer and farther between. Most of all, loving someone is not losing yourself in the process. I will admit, this is my current lesson. When I dulled myself down so much, I became unrecognizable to not only those around me, but most of all to myself. Looking in the mirror and wondering, ” WHO even are you? What the fuck happened? Can you make it back?” The constant state of heaviness and anxiety that results from wandering around questioning your whole purpose, and what would happen next. I decided it was time to put myself first, because I missed ME, and I wanted her to come back. This came with the recognition that she did not fit in my current situation. For the first time, I chose me. I put me first, and this meant that I had to let go of a situation that was no longer in alignment with me.
There were a few days that were particularly heavy and filled with passive aggressive comments and arguments. I was so tired, so I asked the Universe to intervene on my behalf. Standing outside, I looked up at the heavens, and said, “Please. I am asking you to intervene on my behalf. If I am supposed to stay where I am now, show me that. I do not have the strength to make this move on my own, so I am asking you to intervene on my behalf.” Now you may be saying, “Well, Lindsey..that’s a bit dramatic…and really, you had to go outside to talk to the Universe?” I will answer that by saying, something big and dramatic was needed to spark the change that was coming for me, so go big or go home. Also, I was outside because my dog had to pee. You can talk to the Universe from wherever you are, even while your dog pees.
After I went back inside, this is where the drama came in. A huge (and unrelated to the previous) fight ensued, and he was gone and moved out within 2 hours. TWO HOURS. Now if that isn’t a quick response time, I don’t know what is. Though my heart hurt, I knew this was the right thing for me, and for him. I want him to be able to find peace and happiness as well. So now what? This is where the work comes in, and holy shit, is it a lot of work. My first exercise was to write out a list of things I felt I was worthy of, and then to connect to my higher self and do it again. LAWD JESUS, is my higher self chatty! To pull my scattered pieces back in was so amazing and LIGHT, I felt me reconnecting with my true self right away. As I continue to work and heal, I feel more and more like my true self every day. New doors are opening for me, and most importantly, I feel like I have more value to my own self.
“Anything you want, really. You are worthy of trusting yourself and erasing self doubt. You shine here, and you need not dull yourself down any longer. You are safe. It is time for you to step back into being who the Universe knows you are-and who you know you are, too. You are worthy of stepping out without worry of judgment or harsh reaction. You have done your work, and now it is time to be at ease. Know everything you have ever dreamed of is coming to you, because you deserve it. You deserve it. You are worthy of every single beautiful experience you have ever longed for. The time has come to give yourself credit for you, and know you are worthy of this life and all the happiness and love it brings to you. Congratulations-you did it! You are loved-so very much. Know I have you-you are safe. Go forth and be every bit of light and love that you know you are.”
Words from my higher self. I saved me. I picked myself up. My heart chakra is on fire, and it is literally leading me around this life right now, and couldn’t have imagined a greater gift.
** If you are in the DMV area, Lindsey will be sharing methods to connect to your higher self on a special Valentine’s Day class. Co-hosted with her astrological twin Niki (ha!), we will be working on methods to help you connect to your higher self, increase your vibration, and bring you into alignment with things that serve your best and highest good. For more information, check our meetup.